For starters, I didn't just neglect my blog for a few weeks because life got too hectic. I left it for dead, sitting limp and lifeless in cyberspace for the last seven months and one day.
I feel that seven months and one day is far too long to give a "life got too busy" explanation. Seven months and one day is a start from scratch and learn from my mistakes kind of grovelling moment that exceeds a simple sorry.
Now, a little on the why. I won't lie, life did get busy.
- We found out we had to move, found a new place to live and moved in six weeks.
- For the past three months we have been trying to settle in, in a new town (with a new school!)
- My parent's finalized their divorce
- I started working again
- Blah, blah, blah
Did I get overwhelmed by all of the change? Yes, but that's not it entirely.
The truth of the matter was that I was ashamed and didn't want to come back to my lifeless blog until I had rectified the source of the shame and it (my blog and as an extension all of you) could be proud of me again.
Now as some of you may know, I participated in a three month program called Commit to Get Fit. And I did (get fit, that is).
I lost 27 pounds and was working out every day. I felt amazing and cocky and perhaps even a little preachy. Let's face it, amazing, cocky and preachy are the winning trifecta that most blogs are built on.
(Insert Scooby Doo dream sounds right here)
Flash forward to today. After my participation with the program ended so did my participation with working out and clean eating. It doesn't take a palm reading nutritionist to tell you what happened next. Here I am right back where I started from 27 pounds fatter and slightly depressed and quite a bit more humble. I kept thinking that if I could start a new program and lose the weight that I could find an awesome way to return.
The post would look something like this:
"I Know I Messed Up But I Fixed It So Please Like Me Again..."
Well those crazy plans rarely ever work out for me and over the past three months as I unpack all of our junk and decide where to put it in our new crooked house losing my (re)found pounds has not been happening. I have been thinking about coming back a lot lately. Everyday I think of something to write about and everyday I take pictures for a post that will never be.
Pathetic. I know. Which is the real reason why I've decided to come back. Pathetic is not a feeling that I like and writing about my journey helps me figure out the ebbs and flows and ups and downs that outline my life and through that writing I usually find a way past pathetic.
So, I guess the question is, will my blog ever regain life again and for that matter does it deserve too? I don't know the answer to that but I do know that everyday:
- I both suck and rock
- I know everything and nothing from moment to moment
- Pathetic looks lame on me
- Working out my mind and body makes me feel better
- I realize that life is too short to regret daily
So instead of sorry, I want to proceed with hope. Hope, that as I step back in, all of these things that I do know will help both me and my blog learn a new way to thrive again.